BP Type II

Daily Log 12/20/04

Sorry for the pause again folks, the holiday season seems to be requiring a bit more time than I thought.  Also, I am still looking into the possibility of starting my own business with a friend here in town.  You put these two things together and it adds up to a huge time suck.  Still, I need to make time for the BLOG, it's really helpful to me to dissect my brain.  I actually get a sense of calm while posting, silly really, but if it works who am I to question, right?

Daily Log 12/13/04

Well, so far I am following through on my promise to start posting again on a daily basis.  True, it's only two days in a row, but you have to start somewhere right?

The big thing in life right now is my considering going into business for myself.  I went over the business plan with my wife tonight, and I think I gave her a pretty good scare.  It's a lot to think about and the level of risk is scary.

Daily Log 12/12/04

Sorry it's been so long without a post.  I was away from my blog and I took the opportunity for some real back sliding.  Frankly, I'm embarrassed.  I fell into the self delusional belief that I said I never would.  I thought I was cured.  Didn't workout as much, cheated on the diet some, and started playing with some old obsessive thoughts.

Daily Log November 30, 2004

OK, I'm back in the saddle again.  It's been a crazy few weeks (no pun intended).  I am finally close to caught up at work, so that's something in the positive column.  However, my grandfather is having to move into a nursing home, he's sad about that and so am I.  Unfortunately it really is the best option for him, his body just doesn't work anymore.  a task as simple as changing his clothes takes half an hour.  Finally, I've been contemplating chucking the employee lifestyle and striking out on my own.

This last part has really been the sticking point.  When you contemplate that kind of life altering course everyone around you immediately thinks, "oh oh mania".

Daily Log 11/28/04

Please accept my apologies.  I have had a strange couple of weeks with some work issues, holidays and a loved ones hospitalization.  Posting will begin again in earnest tomorrow.

Daily Log 11/17/04

No Daily Log for yesterday, however I am resuming today.  Wednesday is a busy time.  Full day of work followed by a two hour drive to my therapist.  Sounds stupid to go to someone that far away, but he's the only one I've ever trusted enough to be honest with, so I guess I will keep driving.

I am one of the least patient people you will ever meet.  Consequently there very idea of therapy is painful for me.  It's such a gradual process.  Each session I keep hoping to walk out of it a-OK and magically cured.  I don't of course, and I know I am not supposed to, but I still hope.

Daily Log 11/15/04

I think I should probably let the manic Monday joke go, it was slightly witty a week or two ago when I used it first, but I think a reiteration would just start to sound a bit cheesy.  Spent the work day running from meeting to meeting, barely anytime in my office (actually my favorite type of day) so I have a lot of catching up to do tomorrow.

On the mental health front, I think I am truly achieving stability.  I realize I can't get cocky and think I am cured, because I'm not, but it really is a good feeling.  I still have my down times, but I think they are more normal person down times, than complete abject despair.

Daily Log 11/14/04

Not too bad a day yet again.  I really hope I'm not boring everyone with my stability.  Don't loose heart, almost all meds have to be adjusted over time, so i am sure you can count on some kind of wackiness if you monitor my postings.

The health kick seems to be going well still, I am up to an hour workout 5-6 times a week now.  I am trying to replace my unhealthy obsessions with a healthy one.  I think this will lead to my being a stable narcissist.  While I might get annoying, it will be better than the crazy man who didn't give a crap about what he looked like, right?

Daily Log 11/13/04

I've started getting people asking for my advice on a regular basis.  All I can say is, I'm honored.  If I am arrogant enough to give anyone advice please remember two things:

1.  I am not a doctor

2.  I have a mood disorder

This means always double check what I say and if what I say makes absolutely no sense, please drop me a line and let me know that my meds need adjusting.

Daily Log 11/12/04

Today was another OK day.  I got some things done at work, but not as much as I needed to.  Went on a few flights of obsessive regret and mentally tried to change the past a few times.  The lapses into the past weren't as prolonged and weren't as painful, which was nice.  Unfortunately my attempts at time travel/altering the past were once again unsuccessful.