BP Type II

Relapse

Well, it seems I've had a relapse over the past few months.  Actually, I don't know if it can be called a relapse.  It is probably more accurate to say I've lost control of my BP.  I am trying to get the control back now, and I think I'm slowly getting back to mornal life.

The Sabbatical is Over

I apologize for my extended absence, but life has changed greatly in the last two months.  I am pleased to announce I have my new business set up and my partner and I have purchased a building.  Our office will officially opene in April.  It's exciting, yet very scarey at the same time.  I think that this is the result of BP, I just don't trust my thoughts.  Still, I think I'm making a sound business decision, I guess we will just wait and see.

Daily Log2/1/05

I think I am making sense of some long term issues that I didn't realized were tied so closely to my illness.  To be BP is to possess a wonder lust that strikes every so often and at times feels almost impossible to resist.  I've been out of school since December of 1997.  In that time I've had 4 jobs (about one every two years).  I haven't been fired, it's just that after a little less than two years I've been overcome by a nearly compulsive need to change jobs.  To work some place new because I believe it wile solve all my problems.

Daily Log 1/29/2005

Hello, all!  I apologize for my absence.  As my wonderful wife said, I've been very busy splitting my time between my current job, starting my own business, and my family.  Things have been hectic, but also pretty good.

Daily Log 01/15/05

Trying to do the daily logs on a "daily" basis.  A radical idea I know, but I'm going to give it a go.

Today I put my stability to the test.  I stayed at home alone with my 3 and 1 year old boys and let my wife have a morning out of the house without all the guys bugging her.  Things went well, and I enjoyed myself, but little kids can be quite frustrating, they're as moody as I am.

Daily Log January 14, 2005

Wow what a week.  Well it looks like I am going to start my own business.  My partner and I are looking for financing and exploring the possibility of actually purchasing our own building.  It's really amazing when you consider I was contemplating suicide five months ago.  I think I'm getting better, and I think I can control this thing in my head.  I'm not getting cocky though, I realize I have to be on the lookout for cycles.

Daily Log 1/5/2005

I either have to be better about doing these, or quit calling them "daily."  I am still trying to be better about posting, please bare with me.

My wife and I are trying to pick up the financial pieces of my years of manic spending.  I'd welcome any advice anyone has (also if you want to just send money, drop me an e-mail and I'll send you payment information) about dealing with these issues after returning to reality.  I think we can get the mess cleaned up in about five years if we budget and work hard. 

By the way, the request for money is a joke.  Unless of course you really want to send me some.  I mean, who am I to stand in the way of your happiness?

Daily Log 12/30/04

Well, 2004 is almost over, and good riddance.  The year has been a good one as far as my finally accepting my BP and taking steps to fight it.  But that was less than half of the year.  I spent a large portion of the year obsessed with past mistakes (one in particular) and fixated on the idea of killing myself.  Even with the progress I've made, I don't ever want to go through all of this again.

Daily Log 12/25/04

Merry Christmas everyone, and here's hoping a stable holiday season for you.

I've had the chance to take stock of my life this Christmas, and all in all I am happy to report that it is pretty good.  I still have the BP battle to fight for the rest of my life but now I know why I am fighting it.  I am fighting it for me, for my wife and for my two little boys.  The fight is worth it, and it's one that I am capable of fighting.  These are things that I didn't know six months ago.  This new knowledge in and of itself is reason to be thankful.

Daily Log 12/21/04

Well, one more full day of work, then it's time to take off for Christmas celebrations with the family.  I really don't find the holiday season depressing.  I guess this is supposed to be the toughest time of year for someone who struggles with depression, but it's not for me.  If anything, this time of year acts as a pick-me-up for me.