Well, after another long layoff I am back again. Over the past few months I have had some struggles, I don't mean for them to be an excuse for not posting to this, but I hope they offer an explanation. I've modified my meds a couple times and seem to have some upon a new mix that is doing the trick. However, my new sleep aid/AD (whose name escapes me at the moment, seems to be a pretty powerful appetite enhancement, so I am struggling to keep off all the weight I've lost.
The dark times have definitely not been fun. I slipped into some old thinking patterns and I was revisited by my old obsessions, however, I think they've past (for now). I had a few long stretches of very low energy and very little sleep, this combination can do weird things to your ability to reason. I spiraled low enough to start thinking about suicide again. I didn't really consider it, but I kept wondering about it, what it would feel like, what exactly would happen, imagining life going on without me there.
Ultimately, that last thought would pull me out of it. I grew up without a dad and I don't want my little boys to have to do that. So, don't worry, for now I am safe. Plus the new meds really do seem to be working.
Oh, and I took my first vacation in over a year. We went to Colorado for a week. It took me 4 days to stop stressing about work, but ultimately, I was doing much better by the time I got back home. I need to remember to do this a lot more often (as my work schedule permits).
I was wondering if you were going to post again. Nice to see you back!
Posted by: Barb | October 08, 2005 at 09:40 PM
What is Type II? Is it the babbling in my head that I can't stop? is it the giddiness that comes unexpectedly, uncontrollably? Is it the depression that nearly crushes me? My shrink asked me if I heard voices, when I asked her to define voices she just looked at me with that stupid shrink look on her face...I mean really, by voices, do they mean how you talk to yourself in your head non stop or some kind of evil voice that you can't control? Can anyone answer these questions? I don't know, and they (doctors) don't tell me.....
Posted by: elizabeth | November 28, 2005 at 09:44 PM
New to site, but finding it very helpful. The feeling of being so alone nearly kills me at most times. No suicide, can't do it to my kid. Family sucks, they all think I make up my "disease"...even Mom the nurse. Lows are so much worse han highs. Much rather race than cry. Thanks for listening. Feel free to email me.
Posted by: Marla | May 27, 2006 at 12:58 AM
Bipolor 2 ---struggling with the idea that i might have to up the meds...took me long enought to get myself to a phsyc in the first place...then 4months to fill the perscriptions once i had it. lamictal & Clonopin -still spend days completely wasted and find myself more down than before b/c it was time wasted. i'm super high on the stress meter. i'm an artist, art teacher, 27, brother is bipolor 1 and i have a family that understands to a point but who really can unless you are in the dark corner on the couch unable to get up. this past winter it really effected my work-called out a lot and the downs get me really behind... are we supposed to ramble on this site? i'm on the computer and it's a beautiful day outside- lots of things on the to-do list not getting done. trying to find info for the boyfriend who is trying to understand and not try and "fix" things.
Posted by: Cali | August 19, 2006 at 10:35 AM
Hi all, Well I live in the uk and have just really started to accept my bi - polarism. I am a little worried about Elizabeth, and hope that she has had some support over the last year.. I am going through a pretty positive patch at the mo and am keen to remind people of the positive side of MD. I know many people with pre-diagnosed MD and they are truley my saviours. Guys, haven't you noticed that people gather around you, and frequently seek your approval? The one thing that gets me through is the knowledge that no mater what happens, it seems that people know that we care, and outside of episodes, we need people to feel important and loved. The problem we do have is our own self worth. If, however, we find a way to acheive this then we can begin to have belief in ourselves and can accept that we are never really alone. It is so important for us all to celelbrate our strengths and support eachother in our struggles.. I am always available for a chat and you can reach me on driverclaire@yahoo.co.uk... look forward to hearing from you soon
CXX
Posted by: Claire Driver | September 24, 2006 at 06:44 PM
my sister has been diagnosed bi polar type 2.over a year ago.she hates taking her meds as she prefers her manic phase.she hates the feeling of being normal.she says it's boring (quote) do all bi polar sufferers feel like this?
Posted by: donna smith | July 13, 2007 at 04:35 AM
My mind is like a fog. Oh well. My life's been really dull today. Eh. Today was a total loss. I've more or less been doing nothing , but I guess it doesn't bother me.
Posted by: apr consolidate debt low | August 29, 2007 at 10:19 PM
I just don't have anything to say these days. I've just been sitting around doing nothing. More or less nothing seems worth bothering with.
Posted by: island | September 25, 2007 at 12:57 AM
Life is designed by some sort of intelligence, God created life
Posted by: human | October 16, 2007 at 10:25 PM
This bipolar ii is so freaky. I get so angry at myself for being too ill to even work, ikeep thinking if i could just find the perfect job, but even when i had the perfect job i would crash and burn. i obsess on everything. my daughter says i like feeling sorry for my self. what does everyone else do when the creative impulses fly. i find i love to bleach my hair over and over, also is being bipolar a sign of some sort of intelligence?
Posted by: ellie | October 26, 2007 at 07:07 PM
My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar 1. She was always stressing about work. Things started to escalate. I think she has bipolar affective disorder.
Posted by: Brenda | April 04, 2009 at 09:27 AM