Well, it seems I've had a relapse over the past few months. Actually, I don't know if it can be called a relapse. It is probably more accurate to say I've lost control of my BP. I am trying to get the control back now, and I think I'm slowly getting back to mornal life.
I've been enjoying (I am being sarcastic) all my old symptoms over the past few month. Chief of which is the lack of sleep. I opened my own business and I've been working all hours trying to get everything set up. Well, to anyone else with this illness, head this warning: don't mess with your sleep patterns. I am sure this is what pushed me over the edge.
Compounding all of these issues is the fact that I was unable to see my therapist for the past few months. He had a serious illness and was unable to take any appointments. Thankfully (for him and for me) he's recovered and I went to see him for the first time in months last week. I didn't realize how much I'd come to depend on him until now, I'm really glad he's back.
Over the last few months I have been battling some of my old obsessive thoughts and I've suffered from an amazing lack of productivity. It's taken me two to three hours to accomplish what I could do in one hour when well.
The scary thing about BP is that once you mess with one unhealthy behavior and allow an episode to start, it feeds itself. You start to take a cavalier attitude towards the illness and start going back to all sorts of unhealthy behaviors. I've not been paying attention to what I eat, I've not worked out regularly. . . It's frustrating how stupid I've been about this whole thing.
On the bright side I haven't gained my weight back, I am still fifty pounds lighter than I was when I starting taking this entire thing seriously. Unfortunately, I've lost most of the tone so now I am skinny and soft, but I've been back on the workout wagon for the last couple weeks and things are coming back.
John,
Fantastic to see you back.
Step by step and you'll get there.
All the very best.
Posted by: Judy | June 21, 2005 at 08:57 PM
Question: Do you ever feel that your personality is being medicated and therapied away?
Posted by: sara | July 01, 2008 at 11:36 PM