Trying to do the daily logs on a "daily" basis. A radical idea I know, but I'm going to give it a go.
Today I put my stability to the test. I stayed at home alone with my 3 and 1 year old boys and let my wife have a morning out of the house without all the guys bugging her. Things went well, and I enjoyed myself, but little kids can be quite frustrating, they're as moody as I am.
Little kids are amazing. One moment you look at them and feel so lucky to be around them and watch the grow and learn. The next moment you're waiting for their heads to spin around and for the to shoot pea soup across the room.
It's also remarkable how much being BP resembles being 3. My son gets completely ecstatic over the silliest little thing (like getting to go with me to get the mail) similarly he will become despondent for no apparent reason (today he went to pieces when bath time came).
Three year olds haven't learned how to control their emotions yet. BP's know how to control their emotions, but every so often a wave of unfriendly chemicals washes through their brains and they (we) just loose it. The reactions can be the same, it's just for different reasons.
I don't think I am reacting so randomly anymore. Lamictal and talk therapy are really wonderful things. I am still amazed at what my wife put up with over the last 13 or so years. It's nice feeling like I have a say in the way I feel. For most of my life I felt that emotions were things that just happened to me. I never felt like they were things that I could affect, now I can. It's something basic that I never had while I was untreated.
Dear Friend,
Its been a while since you have posted your blog. I still come by here every day and I hope that all is well-
JDN
Posted by: Jason Dean | January 27, 2005 at 08:37 AM
Dear Jason and all-
Thank you very much for your concern. Actually John is doing really well - he's just been swamped with work and family obligations. This BLOG is important to him and I know he appreciates your support. I will get on his case this weekend to post a real message. He's always eager to pontificate, I think. Take care, everyone, and thanks again for helping my husband.
Posted by: John's wife | January 28, 2005 at 02:22 PM
Good to hear that all is well.
Thanks for letting us know.
Carry on the good work.
Posted by: Judy | January 28, 2005 at 08:16 PM
i'm a fellow TypePad user, which is how i found your blog. i'm also bipolar and can relate to a lot of what you're going through.
some of your posts made me laugh because i've done the exact same things or felt the same way, particularly when i'm hypomanic. i'm the greatest, i can do anything--just try to stop me! to me, hypomania = increased productivity.
anyhow, although i have several blogs on TypePad, please visit my bipolar blog, which is on Xanga because they allow protected posts. here's the address:
bipolar bloggo
i just wrote a review of your site and will continue writing reviews of other bipolar blogs, as well as including links to bipolar resources on the web.
best,
barb
Posted by: barb | January 29, 2005 at 08:20 PM
I just read through John's journals and I was blown away. I feel in many ways as if he is MY husband, the similarities are incredible. My husband is a lawyer who is just beginning his struggle with proper treatment and diagnosis in the last year. It sounds so much like us, or rather where we want to be! I hope we can reach that point John and his wife are at sometime. Thank you soo much from the bottom of my heart. John, you should truly publish a book about your experiences when you are ready.
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