Sorry for the pause again folks, the holiday season seems to be requiring a bit more time than I thought. Also, I am still looking into the possibility of starting my own business with a friend here in town. You put these two things together and it adds up to a huge time suck. Still, I need to make time for the BLOG, it's really helpful to me to dissect my brain. I actually get a sense of calm while posting, silly really, but if it works who am I to question, right?
We are now in the holiday party season, I guess my family kicked it off with our neighborhood get together last weaken. This weekend we've gone to three parties/open houses. I don't know what it is, but I really have a tough time in the meet and greet type situation. I'm either painfully shy and have trouble talking to anyone I don't already know, or I'm so self-centered I just don't care enough about others to interact with them.
Truth is, I lack self confidence when meeting others, but it's less embarrassing to be arrogant that painfully shy. I don't really know where the shyness/lack of self confidence comes from. Lately, I've been wondering how much of it can be attributed to my BP. I've been pretty over the top when meeting people in a manic phase before. This means I've either embarrassed myself with my behavior, or really knocked someone's socks off, and then not been able to keep up appearances once I crashed.
I guess this has lead to a lot of bad/inaccurate first impressions. Maybe made me a little gun shy when it comes to meeting people. I don't trust myself regarding how things might come out. I'm somewhat paralyzed thinking I might say or do something inappropriate or wildly stupid.
I guess that I've identified the issue, now I have to figure out how to work through it. After all, if I'm serious about wanting to have my own business I should probably gain the ability to meet new people without experiencing physical pain. I'd really like to be able to strike up a conversation about nothing without having to try so very hard. So, I guess that's the new thing that I will be working on.
Oh, on a cheery note. The wife and I watched "Nanny 911." Whenever you think you are failing as a parent flip this show on. It will confirm that you aren't that bad. There are plenty of other parents out there who are much more incompetent that you.
Hey John,
You're back....yeh.
Missed you.
Isn't it funny, missed you, but don't even know you!
Speaking of being shy of meeting people, maybe your lack of confidence may come from not being sure quite how you, personally, are going to react.
I would be bold enough to suggest that it is some bipolar and some of John.
I have been quite shy in the past but then I learned that, to be interested in the other person and enquire after them, takes the spotlight off you and then because they are talking about themselves they are not stuck for words either.
It usually works very well, plus you get to learn more about them.The only problem comes if you get a really talkative person who wants to tell you their whole life story!!!!
Glad your BLOG is theraputic.
I think it is good for you ( and us who read!)
But look after you and yours first, especially at this busy holiday time.
Until the next time.
JF
Posted by: Judy | December 20, 2004 at 07:13 AM
lack of confidence as discovered lately are by far more complex then previously thought it much encompass a phisical well being of the person as mental state and will power.
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