Sorry it's been so long without a post. I was away from my blog and I took the opportunity for some real back sliding. Frankly, I'm embarrassed. I fell into the self delusional belief that I said I never would. I thought I was cured. Didn't workout as much, cheated on the diet some, and started playing with some old obsessive thoughts.
I am mad at myself, but I'm back on the horse again. I'm just amazed that I let this disease trick me (even if it was temporary) again. It's so tempting to think it's over, but it never is. Whether or not you think so, BP is an integral part of who you are if you have it. No matter how much it tempts you to think so, it doesn't go away.
Spent last week's therapy session talking with my therapist about my idea of going into business for myself. Trying to decide if it's a BP fantasy or an actual business decision. Good news, he and I think it's actually a real business decision. Of course that means that if I go through with it I don't have any excuses.
I am really embarrassed that I let myself think that it was all over again. You have no idea how many times I've danced this dance. It usually ends with a manic episode followed by a depression so black it almost kills me. At least I recognized it this time before mania had a chance to grab me. Thank God I stayed med compliant. If I hadn't I'd probably be on day 4 or so of no sleep right now.
Sorry for disappearing everyone, but I am back now.
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