Thanks for the comments

I want to thank everyone, the reader stats are starting to pick up and I am starting to get comments on a somewhat regular basis.  It makes the BLOG much easier to maintain when you know that others are actually reading it.

In numerous e-mails and comments I have been asked for advice on dealing with BP by diagnosed BPs and their spouses.  My main advice will sound trite, but it's true, not following it stopped me from having a full life for 17 years, so here it is:  ADMIT YOU (or your spouse) HAVE BP.  The diagnosis is yours (or theirs) to keep, it's an integral part of a BP individual's existence.

This may sound fatalistic, but it's not.  Once you finally admit the illness is there, and not going away, then you can really start to fight.  Find both a good therapist and a good doc, therapy and medication is the way to deal with it.  People who say you can fix BP "naturally" are (ironically enough) nuts.  If you are BP your brain chemicals our out of balance, they need to be fixed. 

Similarly, people who think you can just pop a pill and all will be well are crazy.  BP causes mental trauma in numerous ways, you've go to take sometime in therapy so you can sort out what's chemical imbalance and what's real.  If you try just med or just therapy without doing both, you will fail.  I failed at dealing with this crap for almost 2 decades, I speak from experience here.

The other thing you have to do is be open with the people around you (the people you can trust that is, not the weasel at work that is trying to leapfrog you for a promotion).  Explain the nature of their illness and ask for a report back if they think your behavior is veering our of the norm.  Also, when you blow up or react inappropriately for no apparent reason, admit it.  Tell them you have no idea why you just said did it, that you apologize and you need to get yourself back under control.

Spouses, get used to talking about the illness with your BP spouse.  It needs to be something that can be addressed without embarrassment or shame.  This is essential because when your spouse starts to cycle into mania or depression you need to be able to say to them, "Are you sure you're doing OK, I think the BP may be flaring up."  You have to be comfortable talking about this so the BP doesn't follow the natural instinct of anyone whose sanity is questioned, defensiveness. 

Trust is also important because you have to be able to say this at the first signs.  You need to bring it up without the BP becoming annoyed that you are constantly quizzing them about it (this doesn't mean you don't constantly quiz, it means you each get comfortable enough that you can quiz without any hurt feelings).  If you wait until the person hits full blown mania or or depression to say "Are you OK" it's way too late.  A manic will always be OK, and a depressive will not be, but they won't care.

Comments

[Judy]

John, I was wondering if you have heard of Julie Fast. She has written a book for couples and loved ones of BP sufferers.
I think it is called,'Loving Someone with Bipolar.' It is relatively new. I read it and thought it would be very helpful but you would be a much better judge.